This was the first

When I started this blog, and thought of the name "Still A Man" I wrote something to state to myself and anyone else (even though I didn't post it), to not forget that I was Still A Man. Even though I didn't play my favorite sport of basketball anymore. Even though the career path I was on didn't look like I once imagined it would. Even though I walk with a cane and sometimes I ride in a power chair. Even though I don't dance, or do a lot of things that I used to do, that I was Still A Man! I would be a man for my family and friends. That I could still grow and improve. So, Here's the first piece. Some parts are supposed to rhyme, other parts, I planned to include a rhyme, but couldn't work that in. I thought about using this more regularly as a form of self affirmation, but it hasn't gotten there yet.

Still a Man

I didn’t know what it was, or, necessarily why

But, I always wanted to be a man.

By God’s grace, I became a man, and now you can’t take that name back!

I never had to remind myself that I was a man

Even when I let those seasons of life leave me feeling less than a man

Laid off, pay cut, too much pain, sometimes I know I don’t deserve this shit!!

I might fix some pancakes, sandwiches, or some black eyed peas, in case you didn’t know.

Being a thug couldn’t, making babies sure wouldn’t,

Being around my kids, fixin’ my little girl’s hair, what’s up with that??!

you know what sweetie, lets both wear a hat!

Ice Cube is a man, Kirk Franklin is a man, my dad, brother and Barack Obama too.

I have done wrong, sometimes I’ll be wrong, but still a man.

I’m the kinda man who won’t put his hands on a woman,

I’m not a handyman, not a lady’s man, but, I’m still a man!

I wear each name well, dad, son, baby or husband & brotha-man and hopefully Christian.

I may not be your man, may not even be your kind of man,

This I know, & I’ll say it twice, I’m the most important man some people’s life –

They are my son, my daughter, & yes, my wife!!

If I had to, I’d give up mine, & do my best to keep them alive.

They each let me know in their own different way,

Mostly by what they will and won’t do, sometimes, even by what they say.

I don’t think I’m done yet, I don’t think it’s part of God’s plan,

on any given Friday night, I’m gonna be DA MAN!!

I won’t forget, even when I’m not at home,

I’m still Laura Lee’s man!

What is this problem??!!

While laying in bed on Wednesday night, I had a tightening feeling across my chest along with a shortness of breath. It felt strange, especially given that I hadn't been doing anything physical and that I had never felt it before. After about an hour, I guess I simply fell asleep, not a lot to worry about, right??
The following morning, I woke up and got busy with my standard morning routine. Our daughter had a late night, so we decided that she could make it a slow morning, and I would give her a ride to school. I was filling out some paperwork for a doctor's appointment when the tightness & shortness feelings struck again. For whatever reason, the encore was bigger than the initial appearance. It hung around for more than three hours! I thought I'd heard of an MS symptom before that involved a tightening feeling around the chest and midsection. So, I "googled" it, and found enough to make me feel safe with the diagnosis of this being just another item that comes with the territory.

I will say that due to this episode, I was given an opportunity to experience what must have been my first panic attack. I must say, I took full advantage of that opportunity!! I wasn't so much afraid that I was having a heart attack, as I was just scared of this feeling that I couldn't take deep or at times even normal breathes without that leading to a little fit of rapid breathing. We contacted my neurologist's office, who advised that they wouldn't do anything until I got clearance by way of cardiac testing that I wasn't having problems with my heart.

I REALLY didn't think that was related to the problem I was having, but at the same time, I guess it is worth having that clearance, of not over looking the fact that MS has not, a and cannot declare my body off limits to other ailments of living. After all.... I am STILL A MAN!!!